Thursday, September 13, 2012

Why I Used to Hate Spring

Years ago, I was taking a break with a friend at work, and we walked through a garden that was on the grounds. My friend commented on how pretty all the flowers were that season. My response? "Yeah, but they're all going to die anyway." She laughed, but then upon seeing I was serious, asked me why I felt that way.

I told her I would become terribly depressed in Spring. I couldn't enjoy the flowers because I knew they were all going to die. The blooms represented hopelessness to me. My friend asked me a few questions, and suggested that I might not just be feeling depressed; I might actually have depression.

I discounted that at first, but eventually decided it might be a good idea to have a checkup. I made a doctor appointment, and after he asked me even more questions, he told me there were seven signs of major depression, and that I had five of them. He suggested medication and therapy. I resisted both at first. I tend to be stubborn like that -- but again decided it might have merit, and called to tell him I'd changed my mind.

It took a few trials of medication, but I finally found a prescription that worked for me. I also went to counseling. What I realized in talking about my feelings was that some of my problem with Spring was that I wasn't living in the here and now. I was worried about what might happen. So much so that I didn't enjoy what was happening.

That changed my life. One of the major changes I made was in the way I thought about life. I started focusing on how I could help others, and spent less time focused on my problems. That in turn has guided the way I write, including the fact that I do everything I can to help other authors.

If I am working to help others then I am helping myself. Who knew a random comment about how pretty the flowers are today would lead to such a life-changing experience? I'm thankful to that friend for taking the time to listen and see past the words, into my heart. My body healed itself. My mind and heart took a little longer. Today, I no longer need medication, and I've taught myself to view the world in a more positive way.

I can now say Spring is truly one of my favorite times of the year, but I've learned to look for the beauty in every season. Spring's message of hope, Summer's promise of full, rich life, Autumn's harvest, and Winter's rest and inner quiet that in turn, gives way to the cycle of hope once more.
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Kayelle Allen is an award-winning, multi-published author. Her heroes and heroines include badass immortals, warriors who purr, and agents who find the unfindable--or hide it forever. She is known for unstoppable heroes, uncompromising love, and unforgettable passion.

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