Wednesday, August 15, 2012

From the Spambox: Another Amusing Title

Stop Spam!
Periodically, I do a blog post about funny spam. I get a kick out of reading the subjects in my email’s junk mail folder. Sometimes the wording clues you in right away that it’s bogus. Other times, you can tell by the “from” name that it's not someone you know, or that it’s not who it purports to be. For example, I doubt the real Federal Bureau of Investigation would send me an email advising me of the fact that they had a warrant for my arrest. Somehow, I think they’d just come and find me. Honestly, I don’t move around that much. It wouldn’t be hard for them to grab me at all.

But scam artists still try to fool us. Here are some amusing subject lines I’ve seen lately. (All spelling is exactly as it was in the original version.)

THE CRIMINAL INVESTIGATION AGAINS YOU HAS STARTED. GRAVE PRIVACY VIOLATION IS A SERIOUS THING.
Okay... grave privacy violation? What, are we talking about grave robbers here? Someone maybe stealing headstones? To do what, exactly? Recycle? In case there might be another person with the same name who needs a headstone, and who died on the same date? No... somehow I don’t think it’s that kind of grave. But the word “agains” shows me that someone is either careless and doesn’t check spelling (against) or this is a non-English speaking translation. Either way, obvious spam.

CAN I TRUST YOU
I don’t think a day goes by that I don’t see this message in my spam box. If you don’t know that, why are you sending me an email asking me for... what, exactly? To trust you with a small fortune? To smuggle goods out of the country? Or into this one? Good grief. I’m wondering as I write this if some random sweep by the FBI and my use of their name above with the words smuggle will trigger a visit. Or maybe this post will be viewed by Homeland Security? Of course, now that I’ve used both FBI and Homeland Security, I’m probably a goner for sure. Anyway, on to another amusing title from the spam filter.

WITH MY DIGNITY IS VERY URGENT PLEASE?
I wonder if the spammers of the world know how much laughter they cause with titles like this. It made me literally laugh out loud. What the heck is this supposed to mean? Anyone want to hazard a guess?

HOW ARE YOU TODAY? I GUESS NICE. MY IS A LITTLE BIT HOT OVER HERE.
Do you even want to know what this email is about? No. No, I didn’t think so. I didn’t either. Like 99.9% of spam, I deleted it unopened. But I did laugh. What is the .01% I do open? Things from friends that got mislabeled, or registration confirmations that were mis-sent to spam. That's about it. I am uber careful about what I open online.

WE THE FBI HAVE WARRANT TO ARREST YOU GET BACK TO US FOR YOUR OWN GOOD
We have a warrant...
Here's another unopened message that generated giggles. Riiiiight. I’ll get right on that. But first I have to take care of this vital email.

SCAM VICTIM COMPENSATION PAYMENT ADVISE/ OPEN THE ATTACHED FOR MORE DETAILS.
Yes, I am going to open your attachment. I haven’t caught any good viruses lately. I’m sure I’m overdue. Not.

ATTENTION DEAR
Ever wonder why so many scammers and spammers use the word “dear” in the subjects of their emails? Is that supposed to make me believe you know me? For some reason, most of these are from individuals who add Mr. or Mrs. to their names in the from section, which is completely at odds with the friendly greeting.

PAYMENT OF PRIZE & CLAIM
I’m on this ASAP because even though I haven’t entered a sweepstakes contest in twenty years, I’m sure I’ve won something big and expensive. Can’t wait to see what it is!

And that concludes our selection of exciting spam messages this time. Be sure to stay tuned for the next edition of “From the Spambox.”

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