Wednesday, March 28, 2012

With Love, to Spammers #humor

Stop Spam.

Dear Spammers,
Thank you for the many emails you've sent me. I've become quite adept at spotting them. One trick I particularly like is when all of you decide on a specific topic for the subject line of your emails, and then you all use it the same day. Such as "Notice of Extreme Win." Nothing grabs my attention like seeing six of these lined up in my inbox, all from different people.

Another favorite -- and recent trick -- was a flurry of notes that advised me about my "ex" saying bad things about me, or in some cases, that he was posting bad pictures of me. That had me puzzled at first, especially since I've been married to the same man for 37 happy years and don't have an ex. But it helped me spot you!

Then there's the "Can you tell English is not my first language" message. Topics such as "Plese to be my frend" or the oldie but goodie "strive to use for benfitting of ze chilldren." I also like the tried but true "this massage no the spam" one.

No Spam
Of course, I'd be remiss if I didn't thank you for reminding me that I, too, can add an extra inch to my manhood. The fact that I'm female apparently doesn't make any difference. How nice to know. Recently, you brought to my attention that there is "strength in the extra inch" -- so I guess those old commercials about being a "silly milimeter longer" might have been right. And of course, I can always "Watch it grow bigger."

Thanks, too, for the email subjects that begin "Dearest One" or "Dear Winner" or "Dear Beneficiary." I look forward to these because they show me how many people out there love me. People I have never even met, but who go out of their way to show me how much they want to get to know me. I appreciate the opportunity to share with you, especially your kind requests for my checking account information, credit card secret number, passwords, and the like. The internet is an amazingly friendly place. People like you make it "oh so special."

End Spam
Another good thing you've provided is the reminder that to get the full benefit of your email, I should open and download attached documents. These have contained items that remind me of the fall of Troy, and that big horse that was left for its residents. Good of you to note in your subject that "this message is verified safe" -- which is what I know most of my true friends would put in their subjects to reassure me.

Stop Spam Forever
Lately though I've wondered about a few of you. Why do you put ***SPAM*** in the topic of your email? Do you think it will somehow miss the target that I've set for it on my mailbox system? I have to say, that isn't one of your better decisions. Kind of like painting a target on your back and chest. I am disappointed that you've gotten that lazy. I've been having fun trying to figure out which message is from you and which from real friends. I have noticed though that friends don't tend to send me emails telling me where to score the best drugs. Some of my friends might ask *me* where to get them -- but few will volunteer that info in the open.


Overall, I wanted you to know that I take special pains with your messages, and even have a folder just for you. Nearly all of your messages go directly there. I've trained my email program to recognize most of you. For those who are new, take heart. I'm sure I'll figure you out eventually, and you'll be routed to my exclusive list of "special emails" or that elite folder I've set up for you and your friends. Till then, My Dearest, may your inbox never be empty.

28 comments:

  1. LOLOL! I've thought about blogging about spam, too. I've recently been hit with a ton of "orgreenic" spam, as if putting the two together will make them less spamish. And "meet Christian singles." Um, like you been married for 37 years! And the motorized wheel chairs and orthotics? Not yet! LOLOL! Thanks for the Wednesday smile!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Pauline. I hear you! One that's a dead giveaway -- it's from Mr. So-and-so, or Mrs. Whoever. Yeah. Cos all my friends email me with their full name and title. Idjits. All of 'em. ;)

      Delete
  2. LOL! I forgot to mention the Easter Bunny Letters spam! Who writes letters to the bunny? Can bunnies read? Yeah, lots of enlargement emails and for some reason I get real estate and truck sales spam.

    Worst was a series of twitter spams, though. Kept getting stuff from this market thing. I finally got a clue and blocked the sender and the name and it has slowed. But I got like ten of them over the past few days. And they were starting to get increasingly icky. Someone had taken the time to post pictures and profiles, but sometimes the name/sex were wrong. LOL! I can't figure out the goal, though. No links included. So who takes all that time to set up spam with no outcome? Weird.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ooh, that is bizarre. The mind of spammers. Icky thought! Twitter spam usually comes as direct messages, have you noticed? Perhaps that way they know you'll get their info, since those come to your email. Well, mine do anyway. I'm glad you popped over here. I'm enjoying the chat -- as well as that cute Hunk du Jour over on the right. LOL

      Delete
  3. I absolutely hate SPAM! Wanted to let you know that I was sent here by RomanceJunkies and would love to win!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Oh I love spammers, they always make me laugh!!!! Hehe!! Great post and by the way, I was sent here by Romance Junkies too!! Whoohoo!!

    Valerie
    in Germany

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Me, too Valerie. LOL - It's either get mad or laugh, and I'd rather laugh. RJ rocks!

      Delete
  5. Love Spammers as well. I was here and I was sent here by RJ. Fun!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Diana! :) I'm emailing a copy of the puzzle book to those who leave a comment. Watch for yours.

      Delete
  6. Spammers and telemarketers are the ticking me off right now...
    I was sent here by RJR...
    Good blog..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kathleen, will they ever learn? But it makes for good humor. ;)

      Delete
  7. Hi Kayelle,
    I wonder if people still fall for these emails. There must be some incentive to still send them. I was sent her from Romance Junies Readers. Have a great day!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I figure no one does this stuff except for money, and if so, it must be paying off somehow. I hope it's no one I know. Thanks for coming by.

      Delete
  8. This is so funny. I do wish I had as many accounts as they say. Hello from Romance Junkies
    debby236 at hotmail dot com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey, Debby! Nice to hear from you. Spammers work on the assumption that we'll think we know them. Like the one that says "Hey babe! I've MISSED you!" I have to admit, I opened the first one. Didn't click - it became obvious right away that it was no one I knew. The next day, there were at least two more. *sigh*

      Delete
  9. Not a big fan of SPAMMERS but I'm very glad somebody can answer to them without letting them know how mad they make people!
    Love the blog post!

    I stopped by and I came from RJ.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for commenting. ;) If you would like a copy of the puzzle book, email me and I'll send it to you. Comments are emailed to me and usually contain a reply email, but now and then, one doesn't.

      Delete
  10. I was sent here by Romance Junkies too!! I laughed at your post! It's hard to believe that spammers aren't aware that we can recognize the emails they send!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know. Is that crazy or what? I always open my spam filter. Twice - no kidding - there were contract offers on books in there. o_O So it pays off. But I check it every day, and some of the subjects just cracked me up. I decided I had to share it on my blog. who knows, maybe if they get creative enough, it'll spawn another edition. ^_^

      Delete
  11. Great post and I hate spammers. My inbox is full of JUNK. Some of it ends up in my inbox instead of being caught in the filter. We should spam them. I wonder how they would feel if we filled their inbox with all their junk.

    Romance Junkies sent me too.
    Amelia

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, I like that idea! =^_^= Thanks, Gail!

      Delete
  12. And Romance Junkies sent me too (alert - not spam lol). That was a great post because it is so true. I think I like the ones that don't know english the best - they are usually good for a laugh.

    catslady5(at)aol.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Catslady! =^_^= I got one today from the United Nations General Secretary. Again. That guy writes me all the time. If the real one ever wrote to anybody using his title, I wonder if it would just go straight to spam? LOL

      Delete
  13. Enjoyed reading your comments. I hate spammers - always getting those your have won!! emails. If it's too good to be true....

    Came over to check out your blog from Romance Junkies yahoo group and Cat Brown AKA Chaoscat (Chaos - It's not just a lifestyle, it's a state of mind) Owner/Operator Romance Junkies

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh true! If it's too good to be true then it's not true. ;)

      Thanks for hopping over!

      Delete
  14. LOL!!! Yeah, those spammers are getting creative... I've won the British Lottery about a hundred times this year already according to my spam folder. Amazing, since I haven't bought a single ticket yet! ;)

    (Sure wish I could have had a Mega Millions winning ticket instead this past week.)

    Celine
    http://www.celinechatillon.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Celine, you and I should go shopping together. I had no idea what to do with all my winnings, because I was sure my friends would be way too envious. I'll bet we could pick up some amazing deals. I keep seeing emails about buying yachts. That doesn't appeal to hubby, but I think I'd like to go. Or maybe a cruise? I've seen some good info on those, too. LOL

      Delete